You Lost Me
by Milene Lira
Summary: What if Esme's heart was no longer beating when Carlisle found her in the morgue? What would he do? Read and you will know. Written for the saumensch, kolbow.


**You Lost Me**

_Thank you to the best writer in this world, aka Mackenzie L, for her beta-work. _

_This story has been written for the dearest Saumensch in this world. I know you're feeling bad but I hope this makes you smile, somehow. I love you, Ana Clay! _

****Disclaimer:** **Stephenie Meyer is the owner of _The Twilight Saga_ and also my favourite couple. Lucky her.

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><p>Ten years had passed since Carlisle found Esme, the girl with caramel colored curls, and to him it still seems like it was yesterday. Year after year since he left Ohio, he had never forgotten the young lady. He didn't even know if she was alive or dead, and it disturbed him. True, Carlisle had Edward, the <em>most divine<em> gift that his God could have sent to him, but he still _missed _something in his life.

Carlisle couldn't deny that he missed a close companion, a mate. But how could he ever desire someone other than _that _girl he had connected with so long ago? Even after ten years he could not get her out of his mind. It was_ impossible_.

Today he would not need to go to the hospital – even though he wanted to be there all the time. But they called him.

**~...~**

Esme had a life full of loss. It was a constant rhythm: _losing_, _losing_, and _losing_. She had lost everything that mattered to her, everything that had touched her fragile heart. Life was her biggest enemy, the most cruel and merciless enemy. Death had taken away her precious little baby, too. All life led to was death; every single human in this world, it seemed, was _born to die_. But life had taken her baby too fast. And this forced Esme to ask herself, "What do I have to live for?"

Who was her biggest enemy? _Life or death_? She had no answer.

No one would ever answer this question for her. The only person that had listened to her and answered her questions had been Doctor Cullen. She had never forgotten him, and she hoped that he still remembered of her. Yet, if he _was_ waiting for her, it was too late because she had made her decision.

Death was calling to her, all the time, her whole _life. _Now she gave herself to death with open arms and her eyes awash with tears of pain. Her last word would be left for the wind to carry to the only person that had showed care for her: her Doctor. The only thing she could tell him was: "_You lost me."_

**~...~**

Upon his arrival at the hospital, Carlisle had been directly sent to the morgue, the place that he hated most in the world. A place where souls, many who had their lives taken unjustly, were collected when their doctors could not manage to save them. The worst feeling Carlisle had ever known as a physician was failing to save someone's life.

He approached the hospital bed to have it checked, and he found the white sheet full of dried blood, the smell of which was very sweet and familiar to him. The heart had completely stopped - no sound, no life... nothing. And on an impulse, stronger than his own control, Carlisle took the sheet away to find something that he had always had a feeling he would find again.

The dead woman, the life that had been lost, the silent heart and the strength that brought him to the hospital… it was Esme._ His Esme_!

Carlisle could not believe his eyes; it was not possible. But it was real. Real enough to make him feel the strongest pain, loss, and hopelessness. He fell to his knees, and the pain was so great that his dead heart couldn't hope to overcome it.

God couldn't have let it happen to her... Oh, it could have been anyone but her. In an act of desperation, Carlisle took her into his arms and ran to the forest, as far away as possible.

He approached a cliff and gently placed her fragile and mutilated body on the floor. He was looking blindly to the sea in front of him, and _suddenly_ he remembered a talk they'd had years ago when he had fixed her leg…

**~...~**

Fixing the young lady's leg as she softly cried in pain, Carlisle asked, "Is there some place in this world that you would like to see one day, Miss Platt?"

She felt confused by his question, but she quietly answered him.

"Yes, Doctor Cullen. I want to visit the sea." She paused. "And this may sound silly, but do you know what I want when I die?"

Carlisle shook his head, his eyes telling her to go on.

"I want for someone who loves me to _throw my ashes into the sea_."

**~...~**

Remembering that, Carlisle was sure that it was the only thing he could do for her now. He would burn her body, knowing that it was only her physical body, a shell surrounding the soul that had been lifted in her death. She would not be hurt by the flames, not like the witches and sinners that he had watched die by the hand of his father. No, Esme's body would burn in a fire of peace. Carlisle would fulfill her wish.

And he did it. With the deepest pain he had ever known, Carlisle watched the body of his beloved burn into ash. When the flames receded, he watched her ashes being blown away in a perfect spiral, disappearing on the horizon.

When he could no longer see the ashes over the sea, he turned to the dying fire and whispered_, "I will wait for you, again_."

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><p><strong>AN: <strong>_Yeah, I'm a drama queen. The song that inspired me this time was "You Lost Me" by the amazing Christina Aguilera (And Xtina belongs to Ana Clay). Thanks for reading, beautiful people! :)_


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